Finding Peace Amidst Disarray

Each of us go through times in our life where we are presented with situations that can throw our lives into disorder. Maybe a loved one unexpectedly dies, or someone we love decides they don’t want to be in a relationship with us anymore. Maybe we get laid off of our job or get diagnosed with an unexpected medical condition. Each of us is going to have a list of examples when life unexpectedly presented us with a situation, that forced us to reorganize how we were currently operating.

Often times these unforeseen situations have not been presented to us before, so our lack of experience can put us at a disadvantage when trying to problem solve our disarray. Panic or stress may be our initial, unrestrained reaction. Unfortunately, neither of these are effective problem solving strategies! Becoming skilled in problem solving, offers much better results.

 Since our brain is unable to effectively be  in a high emotional state as we are simultaneously trying to logically solve a problem, taking a few moments to calm our emotions, is the first step in moving toward problem solving. This is where peace can really benefit us.

Peace is a state of tranquillity or serenity. We will know that we have achieved peace, when we feel untroubled by our situation. This may seem humanly unnatural, probably because peace is a spiritual quality, not necessarily a human quality. The good news is that we all have spirit’s qualities within us, so we have access to that source  to feel peace in our human mind and body.

 One quick way to increase inner peace, is by focusing on our breathing. Close your eyes and allow your body to breathe all by itself, without you assisting it in any way. Within about one minute, your muscle tension will decrease and your central nervous systems impulses will begin to regulate, for proper functioning. You can add a mental mantra while doing this breathing by saying, “breathing in peace and calm,” each time you inhale, and  saying, “breathing out all stress and negativity in my body,” each time you exhale.

Trusting and letting go of controlling a situation when you need an outcome that is greater than your human ability, is what spirit is for.

Each of life’s trials are an opportunity for us to enhance our spiritual qualities and step up to the next level of life’s journey.

 ”Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.”  John 14:27

Surrendering Your Will

With my new book coming out on the topic of addiction, I have been doing as much research as possible, in the addiction field. Last week I was reading Step Three from Twelve Steps And Twelve Traditions. I was contemplating the importance of this step in the recovery process.

Step three states, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.”

Every time we participate with our addictive habit or substance, it is our will or desire  that we are exercising. It is not the desire of our children, nor is it the desire of our partner, nor the desire of our employer, or co-workers, etc. that we participate with our addictive habit or substance. It is us willfully doing what we want, for us.

If our will made choices that were always for our highest good, then addiction would certainly not be our problem! When we compulsively participate with habits and substances that are causing us negative consequences with our relationships, our finances, our goals, our self-worth, our health, etc. this is not for our highest good.

When we make the decision to turn over our will to the will of God, and align with his will for us, our desire to please ourself first will become secondary to pleasing God.

For addicts, this can be scary because we want to be able to do what we want, when we want, without having to pause and check in with God. We may be afraid to turn over our will to God as we understand him, because this may mean we can’t be self-centered and how is that going to bring us any pleasure? Can we really trust that Gods will can make our life better?

Why should we surrender our will and our lives over to the care of God?

God doesn’t promise pleasure, but he promises peace (John 14:27). Does compulsively participating with our habits and substances  give us that?

God “plans to  prosper you and not harm you.” He “plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Does compulsively participating with our habits and substances give us that?

Alcoholics Anonymous says, “It is when we try to make our will conform with God’s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us (pg 40 Twelve Steps And Twelve Traditions).

So, how do we turn over our will to God?

One way to do this, is to verbally tell God, “I surrender my will to you. Let your will be done in me.” You can  restate this as many times as you want throughout each day, especially during a craving or impulse to relapse.

How can surrendering our will to God help heal our addiction?

God’s energy is not addicted to any habits or substances, in this world. “For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from God but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever (1 John 2:16-17).

Gods main qualities are Light (1 John 1:5), and Love ( 1 John 4:16). When we ask for his energy to take over our minds and bodies, we allow for his light and love to be our source of operation, rather  than our self-centered desires.  

 Surrendering our will over to the care of God as we understand him is just one more of many helpful ways to achieve addiction free-living.

Elisabeth Davies, MC

www.brightalternatives.com

 

Spirituality and its Effects on Addiction

 I was noticing, that a significant number of addiction treatment facilities offer a  spirituality component, as an effective tool to recovering addicts.

So, what is spirituality, and how can it help with recovery from addiction?

Spirituality, is being harmoniously connected to the source of life energy. Our breath is life energy. Everything that is alive and has changeable form, has spirit energy in it . God is spirit (John 4:24).

Often times, participating in our addiction disconnects us from the qualities of spirit and impedes our ability to create a purposeful, fulfilling life.

Spirit did not choose our addiction. Our physical desires sought out habits and substances, to relieve and temporarily disconnect us, from our overwhelmed  life.

By allowing spirit to be bigger in us, than our  self-seeking desires, our spiritual qualities will increase and our addictive qualities will decrease.

Qualities of spirit:           Qualities of addiction:   

*Love                                *Unpredictable moods

 *Peace                            *Impulsive thoughts                                                                    

*Patience                         *Blaming others for the way our life is

*Kindness                         *Self Centered choices

*Goodness                       *Inconsiderate of how we impact others

*Faithfulness                   *Not following through with promises         

*Gentleness                     *Self-Critical and unforgiving

*Self-Control                   *Compulsive behaviors

Since our breath is life energy, one way to connect to spirit, and fill ourselves with spirit’s qualities, is through our breathing. Here is a breathing exercise that I do daily, to connect with spirit:

I find a place that is quiet, so I am not interrupted by noise. I close my eyes and focus on how my body breaths all by itself, without me assisting it in any way (This sends a message to the nervous system to relax). I focus on my breathing a few minutes, or until I feel my shoulders drop and relax. If I have any questions for spirit, I ask them.

Questions like, “Spirit, what are the effects you can have on a mind, that impulsively seeks relief from stress and worry?”

I listen for spirit, as it whispers, “I bring peace and it can calm.” Breathe in spirit, till it’s energy is bigger than your worries.

I ask spirit, “Where can I find help, to stop this self-destructive pattern I find myself in?”

Spirit gently says, “Seek and you will find. Ask and you will receive. For all is available to those who ask and seek.”

I ask spirit, “How can I not give into cravings and unwanted habits?”

Softly, I hear spirits response, “Habit’s can be changed. What would you like the new one to be?”

I ask spirit, “Can I heal from addiction without you?”

Spirit, in all it’s wisdom says,”You are in control. How are you doing so far?”

I ask spirit, “Will you still love me, and not leave me, even if I relapse a thousand times?”

I feel chills on my arms as I strain to hear spirit’s reply, ‘Our love for you is unconditional. We are always here with you.’ Love yourself more and your emotions will heal.

We can ask spirit anything we want to know. Spirit offers us connection to higher guidance, and unconditional love. It can also guide us to people who can help with our recovery.  

Whether or not you decide to connect to spirit and develop spiritual qualities, It is important that you know,  love is there for you, no matter what.

Elisabeth Davies, MC

www.brightalternatives.com

‘You are Excellent!’

I was listening to Gary Zukav from Seat of the Soul Institute do a radio interview this week. He talked about ways to not be controlled by painful emotions inside of us. It was so eye-opening for me to be reminded of deep-rooted distorted beliefs that we  are operating from that we may not  even be conscious of.

Some of the distorted/untrue beliefs he mentioned were:

• I am intrinsically flawed and defective
• I don’t belong
• I want to be loved, but I am unloveable
• I want to give love, but I am incapable

The distorted belief that penetrated me was the one about being intrinsically flawed. I was raised by critical parents, who consistently pointed out mine and my siblings  shortcomings, weaknesses and inadequacies. Although cognitively I know that this is a distorted belief, there is still  a residual imprint of this programing left in my subconscious.

As I was doing some prayer and meditation about this distorted belief, I was reminded of the creation story in  Genesis chapter 1. In verses 26 through 31, God talks about how he created man and maid in his image. ”Then God looked upon all that he had made, and it was excellent in every way.”  This was a very healing reminder to me. No matter what parents , other people or we belive about ourselves, according to God, who is truth, we are ‘excellent.’

As I went about my day, I said to myself, ‘ According to God, you are excellent.’ I must have seen over a hundred people that day, at the gym, at the grocery store, at work and out to dinner. As I looked at all those people in the eye, I said in my head, ‘you are an excellent person!’

Elisabeth Davies, MC

www.brightalternatives.com

Interview with a Recovering Gambling Addict

As an addiction counselor, it is so important for me to be of the most value to my clients. One of the ways I do this is through Motivational Interviewing techniques.

I recently interviewed one of my clients who is recovering from a gambling addiction.

 I asked him, “What would be the most helpful information I could offer you, that would further your recovery?”

He responded by saying that educating and putting a label on what’s wrong with him would help. He went on to say that for years he did not understand why when his wife would ask him to go to the movies with the family, all that he could think about was playing blackjack.

He said, like most addicts, he found out the hard way that he had a gambling problem, by losing his wife, family, home and financial credibility.

He said he used to think, “gambling is legal, it must be ok.” Just like cigarettes, alcohol, food and sex. If it’s legal it must be ok to do.  He said now he thinks, “If it’s good for my kids, then it’s good for me.” I thought this was very insightful of him. Is compulsive gambling good for your kids? How about cigarettes? What about alcohol? How about eating food compulsively?

He went on to say that since society tends to view ‘addiction’ in such a bad and shaming way, it prolonged him from getting help.  

He said that going to gamblers anonymous and listening to other gambling addicts tell their devastating stories made him even more depressed.  He was hoping that individual counseling might offer education and insights to his recovery.

So here is some education I shared with him:

Because of our natural human desire for pleasure, when we participate with something we find pleasurable, such as food, bonding, sex, gambling etc, our brain releases a chemical called Dopamine. Our brain remembers this pleasurable feeling and wants more.

The way that we determine if we are an addict, is that we continue to participate with our pleasurable activity to a compulsive level, that causes negative consequences. In his situation, losing his wife, family, home, and financial credibility.

Here is some insight I shared with him:

Addiction is treatable, specifically when you are committed to practicing daily effective strategies and having an ongoing recovery support network.

Addiction does not define who you are, nor does it determine your worth. You still have value regardless of how many times you relapse!

I told him that I would give him skills to enhance his self-esteem, so that he could begin to make choices that are consistently in his best interest.

 I told him that I would teach him delay tactics and reprogramming visualization strategies, to help him become more skilled in managing impulsive thoughts and behaviors.

For 15 more effective strategies and educational insights to offer recovering addicts, look for my Good Things Addiction, Emotional Healing Journal, scheduled for publication in 2010.

Addicts can be such a great resource for us to become more skilled in treating addictive disorders.

Elisabeth Davies, MC

www.brightalternatives.com

Staying in a Good Mood, Despite Bad News

How do we quickly recover from disappointments and unexpected adversity, so as not to infect others with our negativity?

It seems as though no matter how many obstacles we recover from in life, there will always be more to face.

Becoming skilled at quick recovery from life’s misfortunes is key. It is important to have an ongoing outlet to express or rid ourselves of stress, so that it does not build up to the point that we become a chronically negative person.

Most  negative people are not aware that they are negative and certainly don’t try to be on purpose. I suggest that you ask several people who know you well, if they think that you are negative to be around. This will give you a more objective view on how you are coming across to others. The great news is that negativity is totally fixable!

Some great outlets for stress and negativity in our life, are:

• Regular exercise.
• Screaming into a pillow to release frustration!
• Hitting a punching bag to get out anger.
• Journaling our feelings on a regular basis.
• Talking to a counselor or trained professional to reframe the way we are dealing with things.
• Having a support system of several people, so we don’t burn one person out with our problems.
• Taking a break everyday to decrease feelings of overwhelm.
• Giving ourself something to look forward to each week.

 Since thoughts create feelings and moods, it is important to be conscious of   putting  positive thoughts in our mind each day. We can do this by doing  a daily gratitude list and by focusing on enhancing other people, rather than dumping our negativity on them.

It takes daily work to be a positive person, but  there are some pretty good benefits that come from it. First off, our chances of having depression significantly drop. Negative thinking is one of the 3 main causes that contributes to depression. Secondly, it increases our chances of success because a lot more people are willing to help us out if we are not depleting them with our negativity. Thirdly it increases our odds of having longer lasting relationships with partners and friends, because  negativity is emotionally draining on relationships.

If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you.

 Practice being more positive and watch the benefits that this can bring to your life!

Elisabeth Davies, MC

www.brightalternatives.com

Economy down, Your value is up!

Bright Alternatives Inc June 2009 Website News Letter

Economy Down
Your value is up!

It seems like lately, so much of what we have been hearing about in the news is what’s ‘down.’ The economy is down; employment is down, retail sales are down, etc.
I wanted to focus on what’s ‘up.’
Are you ‘up’ for creating more future revenue for yourself and not letting the economy determine your financial status?
My friend Carol, like many, was financially struggling due to the economy. I asked her what she was going to do about her situation.
She said, “I created my own job. I went from house to house in my neighborhood. I told my neighbors that I was available to clean their house or run errands for them or whatever they needed help with.” She said, “Then I went to my kid’s school and I asked their teachers if they needed someone to clean their house or run errands or if they knew anyone who needed any kind of work done.”
I asked her how it was going.
She said, “I now have a job cleaning 3 teachers’ houses. I feed the horses for a neighbor of mine and I am doing yard work for the guy up the street.” All for profit!
I was totally impressed by her!
The truth is, ALL of us have something we can do for someone else that can be profitable. We don’t have to wait for an employer to hire us. Rely on yourself and what talents and abilities you have. Don’t be afraid to tell other people what you are capable of doing. Even if you start in your neighborhood, like Carol did.
One of my neighbors solicited me when he lost his job. He offered to do my website at a lower cost than the company I had previously been using. I jumped at the opportunity. Come to find out, not only is he going to save me money, but he ended up doing a better job than the last webmaster!
A lot of people can no longer afford to continue paying the prices they were for services from corporations or businesses. The current economy is an awesome opportunity for you to undercut pricing in the market place as a way to begin getting customers.
What you have to offer is valuable to a specific customer. Ask around. If people turn you down, ask if they know someone else who might need your specific service. Don’t stop asking until you get leads. This is how all jobs come about. One customer at a time!
Perseverance is what gets goals accomplished!
What’s up, is YOU getting creative about what you have to offer others for a profit, so that you can be in charge of changing your financial destiny!

This article written by: Elisabeth Davies, MC. www.brightalternatives.com